


El alma que anda en amor...

by BrainExhaustionGodStan



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Angst, But also, Catholicism, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Okumura Rin Needs a Hug, Okumura Yukio Being an Asshole, Religion, because the yukio slander never ends, no beta we die like men, oh and the obvious one, probably inaccurate but eh, there should be a tag for canon-typical sad vibes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:48:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27710263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrainExhaustionGodStan/pseuds/BrainExhaustionGodStan
Summary: ...ni cansa ni se cansa.Rin thinks and hurts and stays, but it's fine. His brother is here.
Relationships: Okumura Rin & Okumura Yukio
Kudos: 46





	El alma que anda en amor...

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the Taizé song of the same name.
> 
> This was supposed to take place during Rin's late and sad baptism in a fic I thought of, but it ended up being this. A short and angsty train of thought with very few baptism details. Whatever happens, happens.

There are few certitudes in Rin’s life. The strongest ones are all about family.

He knows the church is the safest place he will ever know. His old man was the main reason for it, but as he stands on trembling legs, the feeling lingers even though Father Fujimoto is gone.

It might also be because Rin is not alone. Being under Yukio’s gaze (and it’s cold, so cold Rin feels like he’s freezing on the spot from the intensity of a stare he can’t even see because his eyes are locked on his own boots, stuck by shame and other feelings he’s not eloquent enough to name) as his brother looks down on him is a place he knows well, and the familiarity soothes him, somehow.

He dares look up for a second, and meets his twin’s eyes. One of them twitches in a way he knows by heart: he can almost hear Yukio’s voice telling him another thing he knows. A certitude that has been drilled into his head for years: they are close but different. Twins, but fraternal. Sons of Satan, but people only ever think of Rin, because Rin is the one who burns bright and fierce and reckless and  _ angry _ , as people say. Seeing himself as the angry one makes Rin want to laugh. People tend to forget it because Rin’s not skilled in the way people are supposed to be, he’s not clever and strategic like Yukio, smart and prodigious Yukio, can be but Rin’s rage is never meant to hurt as much as his brother’s cool, carefully deadly anger.

Rin often causes harm by accident. He punches too hard and he doesn’t like asking for forgiveness. Yukio picks words that hold more might than his guns and he doesn’t hesitate to shoot. He lets others bleed and beg until he’s satisfied with his impact and only then, patches them up until they sob and cling and _ thank _ him. Metaphorical bullets hurt more than real ones, but it doesn’t matter to Rin, since he has felt both sink into skin, muscle, and bone many times. But it’s okay. Yukio does it for Rin. He makes him better so he can stop being such a terrible older brother. What kind of sibling needs their youngest to be their teacher, babysitter, and handler? He has to do better. He can’t keep being stupid,  _ stupid _ Rin when he aims for goals no one else believes in.

One of his certitudes used to be his own strength but now even his frail, weak,  _ little _ brother can, has, will kill him before Satan does and Rin knows, no matter how stupid he is,  _ knows _ he has no chance and no purpose anymore so he takes what he can and holds onto it, and he sobs and clings and  _ thanks _ Yukio as he holds onto his hand. His fingers barely hurt as they are slapped away.

Yukio doesn’t warn him before mercilessly pouring holy water on his head three times with a disinterested whisper.

“Father, Son and Holy Ghost.”

Rin doesn’t deserve much but he’ll at least have this.

“Amen.”

His eyes sting more than his scalp does but they stay dry.


End file.
